What happened to the time when it was just me?
My happiness,
my worries,
my anger.
The time spent focusing on what I thought best?
A revolution has stopped me from getting my front spot in line.
I have no power,
no control,
no thoughts.
All my attempts are drained of me at their first sprinkle of form.
It has finally won over the one who refused to fall.
I must follow,
must conform,
must listen.
I know I will never win a fight.
Knowing it's over, my dreams are crushed.
The money,
the time,
the impressions.
My only worries are those it sets forth.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
The jumbled mess of my life
I was trying to sort out my thoughts before I started writing this, but then I remembered that this was the whole point of this blog in the first place, taking the time to think through my life and share it with you.
My life has sped up infinitely since I've been in BG.
I keep worrying I've lost track of what's important. I work and I go to school for what seems like the majority of my time, but I think the reason my life has seemed to speed up is because I just want it to slow down.
For the first time, I can honestly say I am not ready for my college years to end.
I made the absolute right decision to come to BG, there is no doubt in my mind about that anymore.
I love it here and I have so many people I could thank for making me feel welcome in a new town, new school, new job and my new life in general.
I may not know where I'm at half the time I'm driving around town, but at least I have people who can point me in the right direction and eventually, I'll get the hang of it.
I get worried though because I used to spend so much time working on schoolwork that I just plain don't have to spend on it anymore. I work all the time it feels and when I don't work, I'm trying to forget all my stress anyway.
I never wanted to be that person who was so worried about getting money that I missed out on important things to try to earn more money, but I feel like that is exactly what I've become.
How can I not be?
Every time I think about buying groceries I can't help but wonder if I really need what I'm buying or if I can get by without it for just another week.
I've never been a big spender, I just ask for a simple life with the necessities covered and I can live a happy life from there, but when I have school loans to pay, I feel like even the necessities cost too much.
But no one wants to hear about money troubles of another person, when we all have our own right?
So, I will venture on to the next topic that has been on my mind lately.
I've heard from multiple people recently that we have to live while we're young.
While I do agree with this statement, I don't imagine myself stopping "living" anytime before my last breath of life. Isn't that the point? To live life all the way through.
I know even though I have these real life problems of money worries, I still seem lost in my own world of thinking I will live my life to its fullest despite having to worry about bills and work and... need I go on?
I feel like as I get older, I have dreams of a life I want and it doesn't consist of me not "living."
I know everyone talks about traveling the world when they get older, but I see myself just exploring what's in my backyard or around the corner.
Life doesn't always have to consist of the flashiest parts of the world, I think it's the little things I find that I never noticed before that brings the most enjoyment in my life.
It reminds me of how I went through my childhood afraid of one of the older neighbor ladies and not until a few years ago did I finally start talking to her and realize what I'd been missing.
Then, when I went home for a day earlier this year, I had to stop by and see her because I was so interested in how she had been doing. I was there for hours talking to her and her husband, who usually never visits with people, and I can't wait to go home and stop by again.
I don't have to live life by traveling the world when I have great people living right next door to me that I somehow haven't yet got to know.
I really just need to slow down and remember it's times like that afternoon talking to her and her husband that I will cherish forever and will make me the person I want to be.
My life has sped up infinitely since I've been in BG.
I keep worrying I've lost track of what's important. I work and I go to school for what seems like the majority of my time, but I think the reason my life has seemed to speed up is because I just want it to slow down.
For the first time, I can honestly say I am not ready for my college years to end.
I made the absolute right decision to come to BG, there is no doubt in my mind about that anymore.
I love it here and I have so many people I could thank for making me feel welcome in a new town, new school, new job and my new life in general.
I may not know where I'm at half the time I'm driving around town, but at least I have people who can point me in the right direction and eventually, I'll get the hang of it.
I get worried though because I used to spend so much time working on schoolwork that I just plain don't have to spend on it anymore. I work all the time it feels and when I don't work, I'm trying to forget all my stress anyway.
I never wanted to be that person who was so worried about getting money that I missed out on important things to try to earn more money, but I feel like that is exactly what I've become.
How can I not be?
Every time I think about buying groceries I can't help but wonder if I really need what I'm buying or if I can get by without it for just another week.
I've never been a big spender, I just ask for a simple life with the necessities covered and I can live a happy life from there, but when I have school loans to pay, I feel like even the necessities cost too much.
But no one wants to hear about money troubles of another person, when we all have our own right?
So, I will venture on to the next topic that has been on my mind lately.
I've heard from multiple people recently that we have to live while we're young.
While I do agree with this statement, I don't imagine myself stopping "living" anytime before my last breath of life. Isn't that the point? To live life all the way through.
I know even though I have these real life problems of money worries, I still seem lost in my own world of thinking I will live my life to its fullest despite having to worry about bills and work and... need I go on?
I feel like as I get older, I have dreams of a life I want and it doesn't consist of me not "living."
I know everyone talks about traveling the world when they get older, but I see myself just exploring what's in my backyard or around the corner.
Life doesn't always have to consist of the flashiest parts of the world, I think it's the little things I find that I never noticed before that brings the most enjoyment in my life.
It reminds me of how I went through my childhood afraid of one of the older neighbor ladies and not until a few years ago did I finally start talking to her and realize what I'd been missing.
Then, when I went home for a day earlier this year, I had to stop by and see her because I was so interested in how she had been doing. I was there for hours talking to her and her husband, who usually never visits with people, and I can't wait to go home and stop by again.
I don't have to live life by traveling the world when I have great people living right next door to me that I somehow haven't yet got to know.
I really just need to slow down and remember it's times like that afternoon talking to her and her husband that I will cherish forever and will make me the person I want to be.
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