That time of year

I can't believe a year has passed already.
A year since I knew I was finally going to leave Miami, since I finally decided I was going to BG and a year of not knowing if I made the right decision.
I'm glad it's over.
I'm ready for a new year.
I need a fresh start, with new goals, new people and a new state of mind.
This year I'm living my life for me.
I think this last year I lived for others. Always trying to make other people happy, help others and really try to be a good person.
All of that is good, sure, but I honestly think I need to be a bit more selfish.
I'm afraid of hurting people, especially people I care about, but if I make decisions that I think are more beneficial for me, then I'm going to hurt a few along the way I think.

My new goals are for me to 1.) save money for school and a dog 2.) continue losing weight and 3.) become a YouTube star.
I am now employed at a store where apparently we believe in wasting ungodly amounts of paper to have the largest amount of coupons available weekly, and this is going to help me start working on my number one goal for the year.
Yes, just call us home of the extreme couponers.
I apparently am supposed to have memorized every coupon we offer for every day of every week of every month as we have not only the weekly ad but also a monthly coupon book and sometimes a midweek ad as well, and yes, everyone who shops at the store expects us to know exactly what is on sale at all times.
I'm sorry, but I have a life. I work, go to school, workout, hang out with friends, watch TV and occasionally sleep a few hours. If you didn't notice, I did not mention studying the latest coupons. Surprising, I know!
But, this year, with my new goal in mind, I am going to start clipping those coupons too. I already am pinching pennies to feed myself, so feeding a pet seems impossible, but I've never had a pet and I want a friend who's going to love me every day, all the time.
I think a dog is going to be a worthy investment, so that is what I'm going to start on first this coming year.
This makes my number two goal pretty easy as half of my money for food will probably go to feeding my dog.
And my number three goal of becoming a YouTube star will happen.
I desperately wanted video editing software for Christmas, but it was expensive and I decided that since I'm taking a video editing class anyway this semester, I'll have an excuse to use the video editing computers on campus whenever I want.
My friend and I are avid YouTube watchers and have written scripts for our own videos that we want to make, and of course I think they are hilarious.
The scripts are funny enough, but from previous experiences when we have tried to film little videos, the filming process turns out to be ten times funnier, so I'm not worried about accomplishing that goal either :)
So with only a few days left in 2011, I feel accomplished. I completed my resolution of saying "hi" to random people and I came away with countless great memories and friends.
Now, here's to the new year, not for forgetting the past, but remembering it and taking all I've learned with me to make 2012 even better!

In need of a break

I've been caught.
Caught in this spiral of life,
This hell hold of society,
I'm stuck.

I'm looking for the numbers
I've lost sight of the petals
The leaves are falling
As my dreams float to their resting place.

Is this why my heart beats?
To just get by and work for tomorrow?
No, I can't believe it,
I need to change.

Helpless

What happened to the time when it was just me?
My happiness,
my worries,
my anger.
The time spent focusing on what I thought best?

A revolution has stopped me from getting my front spot in line.
I have no power,
no control,
no thoughts.
All my attempts are drained of me at their first sprinkle of form.

It has finally won over the one who refused to fall.
I must follow,
must conform,
must listen.
I know I will never win a fight.

Knowing it's over, my dreams are crushed.
The money,
the time,
the impressions.
My only worries are those it sets forth.

The jumbled mess of my life

I was trying to sort out my thoughts before I started writing this, but then I remembered that this was the whole point of this blog in the first place, taking the time to think through my life and share it with you.
My life has sped up infinitely since I've been in BG.
I keep worrying I've lost track of what's important. I work and I go to school for what seems like the majority of my time, but I think the reason my life has seemed to speed up is because I just want it to slow down.
For the first time, I can honestly say I am not ready for my college years to end.
I made the absolute right decision to come to BG, there is no doubt in my mind about that anymore.
I love it here and I have so many people I could thank for making me feel welcome in a new town, new school, new job and my new life in general.
I may not know where I'm at half the time I'm driving around town, but at least I have people who can point me in the right direction and eventually, I'll get the hang of it.
I get worried though because I used to spend so much time working on schoolwork that I just plain don't have to spend on it anymore. I work all the time it feels and when I don't work, I'm trying to forget all my stress anyway.
I never wanted to be that person who was so worried about getting money that I missed out on important things to try to earn more money, but I feel like that is exactly what I've become.
How can I not be?
Every time I think about buying groceries I can't help but wonder if I really need what I'm buying or if I can get by without it for just another week.
I've never been a big spender, I just ask for a simple life with the necessities covered and I can live a happy life from there, but when I have school loans to pay, I feel like even the necessities cost too much.
But no one wants to hear about money troubles of another person, when we all have our own right?
So, I will venture on to the next topic that has been on my mind lately.
I've heard from multiple people recently that we have to live while we're young.
While I do agree with this statement, I don't imagine myself stopping "living" anytime before my last breath of life. Isn't that the point? To live life all the way through.
I know even though I have these real life problems of money worries, I still seem lost in my own world of thinking I will live my life to its fullest despite having to worry about bills and work and... need I go on?
I feel like as I get older, I have dreams of a life I want and it doesn't consist of me not "living."
I know everyone talks about traveling the world when they get older, but I see myself just exploring what's in my backyard or around the corner.
Life doesn't always have to consist of the flashiest parts of the world, I think it's the little things I find that I never noticed before that brings the most enjoyment in my life.
It reminds me of how I went through my childhood afraid of one of the older neighbor ladies and not until a few years ago did I finally start talking to her and realize what I'd been missing.
Then, when I went home for a day earlier this year, I had to stop by and see her because I was so interested in how she had been doing. I was there for hours talking to her and her husband, who usually never visits with people, and I can't wait to go home and stop by again.
I don't have to live life by traveling the world when I have great people living right next door to me that I somehow haven't yet got to know.
I really just need to slow down and remember it's times like that afternoon talking to her and her husband that I will cherish forever and will make me the person I want to be.

The wind of life

How do I go from one day feeling on top of the world,
to the next, feeling smaller than a grain of sand?
Maybe I was a grain of sand
as I sat on top of the world,
and a light breeze
or slight tilt of the earth
left me floating down beneath the toes.
My hopes and dreams must've washed away,
and instead I'm left with only one goal:
I can't get caught in the quicksand
or I'll spiral out of control.
How does a grain of sand determine its own path?
Is it possible?
Impossible?
Am I left to follow the tides?
How did I diminish overnight to becoming something unseen?
A grain of sand, that's the definition of me.

A simple hello

The other day I went shopping with my sister and as we waited in line to check out at one of the stores, I realized a had an extra coupon for 20 percent off anything in the store. I had already given Ash one since she was the only one buying anything from this store, so I thought I might as well give the other one away since I would not be coming back the next day before the coupon expired.

That's when this couple walked up behind us in line.

I instantly thought, "Oh, I'll just give the coupon to them," but then something stopped me. I started thinking and wondering if I should or if they would think I was weird for talking to them. It took me a minute before deciding that it honestly didn't matter because I was just trying to be nice and if I didn't, I knew I would regret not asking if they wanted it. I mean it would've just gone to waste.

So, I turned around and asked if they'd like the coupon.

The reaction I got was nothing like I imagined. I could not have picked a better couple to give it to.

When I told them I wasn't going to use it and asked if they would like it, they thanked me and said that I just made their day because they were worried they weren't even going to have enough to buy the one shirt the guy needed. They thought they would have just the exact amount of change to pay for it and that now with the coupon they were able to buy it and not have to worry about not having enough money.

Wow.

Then, as we waited in line, I overheard the lady telling her husband that she felt truly blessed and that I had really just made her day.

I never thought that would have happened. I honestly couldn't have decided to ask a better couple if they would like the coupon.

They made my day.

And they made me think about using my first instinct. As soon as they walked up behind us, I knew I should give the coupon to them, but when I started thinking about what others would think, I reconsidered.

I should never waste my time considering what others deem acceptable or weird. And why should I think turning around and asking them a simple question would be abnormal? I just feel like everyone is so caught up in their fast paced lifestyles, not many people are taking the time to just talk to people anymore, even if you don't know them.

I am not trying to say I don't do the same thing. For example, being home this summer has brought along many awkward experiences. I didn't live at home last summer, so I didn't have to worry about how to react when you pass an old high school classmate or teacher. But this summer I have had to deal with exactly that. It's awkward! I mean, do you just say hi, stop and talk or completely ignore them because that's probably what happened in high school anyway. I don't know the right answer, but I like to at least say hi, to most people anyway. There are a select few people who I turn down an aisle early, just to avoid contact with them.

I think the couple behind me in line reminded me of one of the posts I wrote earlier in my blog. The goal I had set for myself to just say hi to a random person each day because not only does it make my day more eventful, it makes me happier and it could also make their day as well.

So, hello there! I hope you enjoy this beautiful day!

The end of summer, the beginning of fall

Where has time gone?

It feels like just yesterday I started my internship and summer seemed like it would have endless possibilities. Now, I have just three days until I finish with my internship and summer is basically over.

The funny thing about it is, I didn't come up with any big goals or plans for the summer. I just wanted to relax this summer, since I never had a moment to relax when I had worked at Cedar Point last year.

The number one goal for the summer: plant a garden. I love working outside in the sunshine and being able to go out and see my flowers each day brings a sense of pride and relaxation for me. So, as soon as I recovered from my first ever bout of strep throat at the very beginning of the summer, I went out and started pulling weeds to plant my beautiful garden.

I wanted some tomatoes for my garden because I love eating them, but I didn't plan on choosing these unnaturally large tomato plants that overtook my garden. They were lovely at first, growing slowly and straight. Then, I walked outside and the tomato plants must have doubled in size over night! They had started covering flowers in the row in front of them and they sprouted out in every direction, showing the round tomato cages I had placed around them just in time that they didn't care what way I wanted them to grow.

I thought I might save my flowers from the shadow of the gargantuan tomato plants by moving them out front, but that only caused more harm because they definitely had no chance after I took them out of the ground. Oops!

I was doing really well all summer. I watered my garden every night and they all looked relatively healthy, besides the unnatural growth of the tomato plants that I'm not sure is healthy, but at least they were green with red tomatoes, which is more than I can say now.

One weekend away from my beautiful garden has doomed it. All my plants are brown and now I see no hope at recovering them. At least, I planted a garden this summer, I never said it had to last all summer.

From there, my goals went on to involve preparing for school (sending transcripts, filling out scholarship applications), nothing to strenuous, but still productive. Easily, I fulfilled all my goals except one, one that I am still trying to accomplish in my four days left at home. I need to transfer my iTunes library on to my laptop from my home computer!

Sure, it could be easy to do, if I had purchased most of music from iTunes and had put them on CDs just in case they don't transfer correctly. Of course, I had not put half my music on CDs and unfortunately most of my music has not been purchased on iTunes.

My wide range of music tastes had caused me to put all my CDs from my childhood on my iPod and the plethora of CDs I have asked for since. I could speed up the process and leave those off, but I still like listening to Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls when I work out, or more likely feel like reliving my 90s' "let's make a dance to every song" days.

Then I also have a handful of CDs that I borrowed from friends to put on my iPod. I wouldn't want to lose those songs either, so I now need to put those songs on my laptop by hand also.

For a person who loves music, the thought of losing any of my music absolutely pains me! So of my long list of five goals this summer, I still haven't managed to accomplish one.

Even if I don't get around to finishing that last goal, I am still ready for the end of summer. The cool temperatures of late have made me dream of fall and the return to football! I am so ready to sit around on Sundays in front of my TV and watch every game I have access to, and I may actually be able to watch the Cowboys win a couple this season without having to run off to a dining hall with TVs since I don't have a stupid roommate who turns of the TV when I am clearly watching it! (I know Arielle will be sitting right beside me probably laughing her butt of at me when I start talking to the players, yes I do that.)

And while I can't wait to start at my new school, I know that I will miss my forest at Miami and being on campus during the fall at its most beautiful time during the fall. I'm sure BG will bring plenty for me to look at though, if I have a chance to look around if I ever figure out my way around a new campus.

Happy (Belated) Father's Day

When I reflect back on a time when I felt truly happy, a time when I had no stress, no worries, a true moment of no sadness, I think of a memory of me with my dad.

Not just any ol' time, but I specifically remember a day when I was just a little girl and we were outside playing catch with the football. We had decided to go in and as we walked in, my dad acted like he was going to tackle me. I remember laughing and falling over in the grass.

Sure, this may be just a simple, nonchalant memory, but it's one of my favorites because I was so happy to be right there in that moment with my dad.

I am a daddy's girl and anyone who talks to me or sees me with my dad knows that. From the sports discussions I can get into, to the straightforward approach I take with telling people what I think, it is no secret who I admired as a kid.

Whenever someone asks me about my dad, I tell them he is my best friend and that is the truth.

He understands me because we think just alike. We can spend a day together doing absolutely nothing and neither of us would complain nor probably think of anything else we would rather be doing.

We share the same sense of humor, mostly at the expense of Mom and Ashley. Dad and I like to make fun of everyone and everything and it tends to wear on some, but what can we say, we are the best tag team comedians I know.

My love for sports came from watching them with my dad. I cannot tell the story of how much I actually enjoyed watching these games with Dad and really paid attention to these games without telling of the time I played T-ball in first grade. During one game, I expertly slid into home plate underneath the catcher's outstretched hands. No one could believe at my young age that I would even know how to slide, but after watching countless Reds' games with Dad, I had the slide down with pro technique and all.

My dad had a hard life growing up and through all the struggles his family had to deal with, he still became the first in his family to graduate college. I always look up to my dad for this accomplishment and it pushed me to work hard in school to live up to what he made possible for me and my sister.

Dad worked a full-time job and a part-time job to support us and somehow he still managed to be such a presence in my childhood that I would not believe it if he told me himself that he was gone for over 12 hours a day.

I love my dad the most though because even if I've made mistakes or failed at reaching a goal he never made me feel like he was disappointed in me. He always let me know it was okay and we just have to learn from it and move on.

For me, Father's Day tends to be just another day with a simple "Happy Father's Day Dad." It doesn't mean I don't feel that the holiday isn't worth celebrating, but to me, it's hard to buy presents to express how much I care about someone. Instead, I leave Father's Day as a day for Dad to relax, hopefully shrug off the stress for the need to support us and enjoy a day in front of the TV by his girls: Ash, Mom and me.

Although Father's Day has passed, I thought I would still go ahead and write about my dad just to show how much I really appreciate my dad :)

The Unnoticed

As my summer has progressed, my main source of relaxation and fun comes from my night bike rides with my fellow bike rider Arielle. We seriously can just ride for hours around town each night (when it's not storming as was the usual for most of May) and we never get bored.

How can we ride around such a small town and not get tired of the same old scenery you may ask?

Well, the answer is simple. We make a new discovery every night about our little town that never fails to bring some sort of memorable experience for our ride.

If you ever travel down N. Race St., you will find an old carton with the bottom cut out tied to a telephone pole. This makeshift basketball hoop seems like the best idea ever to me since I always wanted a basketball hoop to be able to play at home as a kid. Whoever rigged that up there is a genius in my opinion and I could just imagine a neighborhood basketball game taking place on that street. Arielle and I always plan on taking a basketball with us, so we can enjoy the amazingness of the basketball hoop and one of these days I'll have to post the picture of this when it DOES happen.

We also noticed just how beautiful Market St. looks where the grass and tree section divide the lanes. With the leaf-filled branches crossing over the road, the street is an absolutely beautiful sight.

Riding around town we have also learned it is not unusual to see the same cop multiple times during our bike rides in various parts of the town. By the end of a bike ride, we have seen each other so many times that we have developed such a good friendship we wave and ride around the block to help them with a traffic stop. Okay, maybe I'm over exaggerating on this one, but we did wave to a cop, followed him to see him stop and help out a fellow officer who had a car pulled over. Then of course, we had to ride around the block to come back and check out what happened. At least we know Van Wert's law enforcement is out and about keeping us safe, unlike the dog warden...

We have noticed some not so flattering aspects of Van Wert, such as the number of stray cats. No matter what street we turn down, we see at least five cats running around in the yards beside us.

Although the cats may run away from us and appear as no threat, we also have to look out for loose dogs. Just the other night we passed a dog that looked like it might attack us, as the owners just sat and watched. Then, the same night a dog came from out of nowhere and chased us. Ok, so the dog actually slowly trotted behind us. But still, a loose dog worries me because it could easily bite me.

Sure, our bike rides may not equal the thrill of a motorcycle bike ride, but when we decide to follow random cars just to see if we can keep up, it gets pretty intense. Not everyone enjoys extreme biking like we do, but it has added a little bit of excitement to the dull life Van Wert tends to offer and I can say I am thoroughly enjoying my summer.

 

Changes and Lack Thereof

I honestly have no idea where time goes. Once again, a month has gone by since the last time I posted and I no longer have hopes for posting every week or every other week because clearly it has failed to happen.

I have spent my time busily working at my internship, which I have learned through my on-camera experiences of doing the daily sports report that: I do not open my mouth when I talk, apparently I am too lazy to open my mouth wide and make movements with it other than it just hanging open and somehow making sound come out; I speak in a monotone even when I'm not trying to be sarcastic and actually trying to make my voice sound energetic; I laugh a lot, regardless of it is funny; and my hair does not look good on camera, even though it looks good in person.

Deciding not to work as a lawyer was definitely the right choice for me, I love getting out in the community, meeting new people every day, hearing interesting stories, and of course, learning about exciting events that will spark controversy in the town and awaiting the feedback from the news stories released about them.

I also know I made the right decision for me in my career choice because I had to cover court news one day. A simple five minute sentencing for two men. The cold, heartless manner it was treated with disgusted me. Sure, they're criminals and deserve to be punished, but they're humans with family who will miss them and were heartbroken at the sentence. I never want to cover court again.

Besides my work life, my life has had little excitement. Van Wert never changes. Each day can easily become a routine with no one and nothing new if I don't work for a new addition in it. I recently became a member at the local YMCA, and by recent, I mean I started going there two days ago. Let me tell you, I am so much happier for it. I get to see new faces every day and talk to new people. It's great!

Of course, I have hung out with and talked to many old friends and classmates. It saddens me how much I have grown apart with some people, people who I would consider my better friends.

I have a handful of people who while away at school I talk to daily. Texting allows us to talk to each other just as if we were passing by each other in the hallways at school and stopping to tell the other about a funny story in our last class or gossiping at lunch. But, for the other friends who I don't text every day, we just don't have anything to talk about besides the typical small talk.

Maybe I expected to be able to hang out with old friends and pick up right where we left off, but it's impossible. I have run into the same problem that I run into at school, I always bring up a story about another friend which they don't get because they don't know about who I am talking.

College students really have it hard if they don't live where they go to school. It feels every time I feel like I finally have gotten caught up with someone and know most of the names of the people they're talking about I have to leave. And then, I feel it's harder for me because I missed an entire summer last year of being able to catch up and now I don't even know what my friends did last summer.

I know I'm nosy, but I don't think this is me being nosy, I think I just want to genuinely know what my friends are going through.

This is part of life and I know it, but I am ready for college to be over. I am ready to move to wherever I decide to write (or rather wherever I get a job) and stay. So, I guess I better live in a big city that way I don't get bored with the same old faces and places like I have in Van Wert.

Goodbye Miami, Hello BG...

A month has passed since I have written my last post. And what a crazy, fun, busy and interesting month it was. I think back to the beginning of April and how sure I was that Miami was not for me and nothing was there to make it worth staying. After only one month, I am afraid of losing what I found during that last month.

But why should I sit here and worry about a decision that has been made, it can't be undone now. When I made my decision, I had no reason to stay at Miami. I was driving home because I couldn't even be comfortable in my room because my awful roommate. And I was just plain sad at everything I was missing being at Miami and having no one there to share with.

How can one month change my whole idea of Miami and almost make me regret my decision? It really sits in the hands on two people who completely changed my experience at Miami and if I would have met them before my second semester, there is no doubt in my mind that I would still be a Miami student. I owe these two individuals for every good memory I have of Miami. I am forever thankful for the friendships I made with them and the fun times we had.

However, I remind myself that these two will always be my friends. There is no doubt in my mind that I will see them over the summer and next year, so it's not like I'm losing them. At least I can walk away from Miami now and say that I am happy I went there because if I hadn't met them, I probably would say it was one of the worst decisions I made.

But since I can say I am happy that I spent two years as a Miami student, I want to reflect on what I did learn as a Miami student:

1. I learned what it truly means to be independent. When I was in high school, I loved to say that my independence was part of who I was, but I had no clue what that really was until my years at Miami. When you have no one else to rely on, no one to ask questions, to get your food and medicine when your sick, to go on a late night walk with, or to go to a campus event with, you learn what it means to be independent. You learn to not care what others think so that you can be able to continue living and enjoy life regardless of if you're the only there without a friend. I learned that if I want to do something I can do it on my own and have just as much fun. And I learned that taking care of myself, getting my questions answered and going on with life even if I feel like death is upon me, may be a part of life that I can't escape any time soon until I get married and my husband is contractually obligated with God and me to take care of me until death.

2. I also learned that I do not care enough about what others think of me to be a rich person. I will never be able to waste my money on brand name clothes when I get complements on my Walmart jacket all the time. I would much rather shop in my clearance sections of Target and JcPenny and find $2 shirts than buy clothes to try to look like everyone else.

3. And finally, I learned that people do not know who I am until I tell them, so I need to be outgoing so people don't confuse me with just another person who has been blessed in life. While yes, I know I have been blessed many times throughout my life, I have had my fair share of struggles to overcome to get to where I am today. I have learned that my story is definitely unique and I have a right to tell it before being thrown to the side as just another middle American girl.

Miami has left me more confident about who I am as a person. I am sure that I am a good person with the right ideas and morals guiding me through life.

Now as I go to BG, I already have more friends waiting for me there and I have a life back at Miami that I will always be able to share. I was asked by someone what I will say when people ask me later in life where I went to college. I answered that I will say that I went to Miami and then transfered to BG because I think it shows exactly who I am. I love trying new things, embarking on a new adventure and going after what I think is best for me. I am a person who really wants to live life without regrets and I know I would have always regretted not seeing what BG had for me.

So here I am, ready to start a summer at home with my thoughts on what I have left behind at Miami and what BG has awaiting me. I already know I have friends in BG and a position to write for the entertainment section of the BG News, which is better than Miami already! All I have to do is put myself out there at BG, it has the laidback environment I'm looking for so I know I'm going to fit right in.

I just hope I can make up my two years I lost at Miami and still feel connected with my class at BG. After going to Ash's graduation, I was thinking about all the memories of Miami that I won't be able to share with BG students when we graduate. Like the George Clooney, Ryan Gosling week and Green Beer Day!

I don't know what I will think in the future, but all I can do now is look at what I'm excited for at BG (the list is endless) and remind myself that my Miami friends are only a couple hours away and I know I can make the trip to visit them any time and be welcomed with open arms :)

So here's to the end of another school year and hello to a summer of endless fun because BG will just be a continuation of the good times about to begin...

What's the point?...

A website has recently been brought to my attention that I just was so disappointed in I have to comment.

I believe this website, www.topix.com, could be a really nice forum for people in the community to come together and discuss topics relevant to the town, but like many other discussion forums, it's become an absolutely disgusting source for cyber-bullying.

It seems to me that topix.com originated as a discussion board for people actually interested in discussing the news. I found some topics that at least started with an intelligent conversation with legit concerns and reasons for claims being made, so I don't want to completely nix the entire site as a trash.

However, the majority of the website was devoted to postings about specific people and what everyone else thought of that person. Seriously?

The problem with discussion boards is the anonymity that is allowed. This is something that aspiring journalists actually talk about in class, I know, I've sat through many classes on this topic.

People are not required to support the claim they are making and they don't receive any backlash for what they say on the Internet, which leads to so much nonsense being posted on these forums.

There are many things that I think and say to my friends that I would not want my name attached with, but that doesn't mean that as soon as I can say it anonymously over the Internet I should.

I honestly just do not understand the point! Why do people feel it is okay to put down a person like that? Since I was looking at Van Wert's page, many of the names on there I knew and I honestly was saddened to read what people were saying about people who I went to high school with and would never wish a bad thing on them.

I know I have done my fair share of talking about people behind their backs, I am not claiming to be a saint in this field, but my thoughts are not posted on the Internet for everyone to read.

This reminds me of something that happened the other day....

I was at work and there is this nice guy that comes in once a week usually. He has long hair and this cute baby face.

Well, the guy I was working with said to me that he never knew if it was a guy or a girl....and the guy had not walked away yet. I know he heard my coworker.
My coworker then proceeded to want to write a message on the inside of his pizza box, "cut your hair."
He made the box and everything. I absolutely refused to let him give him that box. My coworker told me he thought it was funny and I told him that "in no way is that funny. That is just pure mean and I will not let you do that."

I love my coworker and I wouldn't consider him a mean person, but that was awful! I would never imagine hurting someone like that.

How did my coworker not see that if the guy with the long hair read that message that he wouldn't be hurt?

I don't see the point in hurting people. There is so much to live for in life and it shouldn't be wasted on putting people down.

The stuff on www.topix.com is mostly about bad decisions people have made or certain behaviors, but it is their lives and it's not affecting the people commenting on the forum.

People don't always need to comment on other people's life. Let people live the way they want to live. That's the purpose of life isn't it? ...To live it!

Follow Up...

This is the other video. I want to give everyone a chance to watch it also and decide for himself or herself which video is better.

Group Projects...ugh!

It amazes me how my perception of group projects has changed throughout the years.

When I was in elementary school, I loved group projects. It always meant having some fun with friends while getting an easy A, but now since I've reached college, the concept of a "group project" brings with it hellish nightmares haunting me for weeks at a time until the dreadful assignment has reached its end.

One of my first serious group projects was in fifth grade and I met my best friend who I am living with next year. Clearly, I do not have a bad outlook on group projects because such a good friendship came from one.

However, since I've been in college, I really see no other option in my outlook on them. And, honestly, not much has happened to prove me wrong. Most college group projects have left me staying up all night the night before its due working with my group to put scattered pieces of individual work together.

My current group project has completely left me at a loss for what to do. I had to make a video with a group and the goal of the assignment is to get as many views as possible. Therefore, putting the video on YouTube quick and making it something people want to watch is key! Well, my group just put the video up and we have a report due in a few days to explain our progress. Making a video does NOT count as progress. The progress comes from getting views.

I finally decided to take the project into my own hands and make a video, which took an entire day of editing and frustration by myself to finish. After posting the video to YouTube, I emailed it to my group members telling them I thought we needed something to work with so I just did it. Well, after all my effort, one girl thought the video was too long....it's a music video....to a song. I was willing to cut out one of the choruses because I figured it could do without a repeated chorus, but when we went to edit, all she wanted to do was basically make a different video.

So I have decided to promote my own video and I hope you all enjoy it. Watch it multiple times and let your friends know about it!!! :)

Also, if you have time we have a 5 question survey....I promise no hard work involved... if you wouldn't mind taking it you can click on the link:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/JWJZ6RN

I promise my next blog entry will not be me self promoting my own video! Take Care :)

Finally, I Have Returned...

I know it has been way too long since I have updated my blog.

I have had so much going on this past month my blog has definitely been put on the back burner. I am sure you all have anxiously been awaiting my new posting, probably checking every day, biting your nails as the page loaded, and then having the unfortunate disappointment of seeing that I failed at my goal for 4 weeks to write a new post.

Well, I have basically traveled the world and back since I wrote last. I wrote my first story for my campus newspaper, which was apparently so good I was asked to apply for a position on the staff of the newspaper. I secured my internship at my hometown newspaper where I will not only be writing stories, but I also will be the future Ron Burgundy of the Times Bulletin newscast. Yes, apparently some people will have the great displeasure of seeing my face as I read the sports news to them each morning. Maybe I will need to put a warning before my giant dome appears on the screen to tell the squeamish to look away.

I also did a little journalism practice for an entire week at the beginning of March. Well, that is what I am going to claim it as. George Clooney and Ryan Gosling were at Miami all week filming their upcoming movie the Ides of March and I basically staked out the location they were filming all week. It may have been freezing cold and rainy some days and I may have missed some classes, but hey, who else can say that Ryan and George waved at them. I'd do it again any day!

I actually did a little traveling as I went to Canada with my sister for spring break. Yes, I know we went the wrong direction since most people travel south for spring break. Well you know, Ash and I found some warmth of our own in Toronto when we went to watch a concert. Seriously, one of my ultimate goals in life has been to be in a mosh pit at a rock concert and I finally can say I fulfilled that goal. But, it was so awesome, it has been given an honorary position as a goal needed to be fulfilled at least once a year.

The concert had four bands that played and one I had never heard, Bleeker Ridge. They are primarily based in Canada because they are relatively new, their songs aren't even on iTunes.

I instantly fell in love with them. I love live music, but I can separate my excitement for the music from my excitement caused by the band themselves and these guys really knew how to perform.

There are four of them; two sets of brothers and the oldest is only 21! I honestly couldn't believe it when I read it because they write their own music, which unfortunately I feel only a few artists can say truthfully nowadays.

At just their young ages, in the range of 19 to 21, they have these great songs and great stage presence. I think they will be the next Nickelback, who I absolutely adore, so I basically think they will be successful.

But, what I am ultimately getting at is, they are my age and they may not be the biggest band out there, but their creativity inspires me. To write these songs that really mean something, lyrics that I can relate to and that have a truth behind them that a lot of music lacks, makes me wish everyone could take a lesson from them.

I feel that our society has created this straightforward path through life. You go to college, you get a job, you have a family, and blah, blah, blah. To me, it's just this plan for people who can't think of anything else to do. There is no time for creativity, for getting our thoughts out there. My little blog here is probably thought of by many as just a place for me to vent about my unhappiness in life. But, I consider this as one of my little spaces to be creative.

I say it's one of my spaces to be creative because I also have a journal that I like to write in also. One where I write more personally and I write a lot of poems. I have shared a few of my poems to family and a few close friends, but I am afraid to share these poems with others. I don't want to hear criticism or hear if someone else thinks they are good because I like them and I don't want someone to put down what has actual meaning to me.

That's why Bleeker Ridge inspires me, because they are not afraid to put their thoughts out there, take the criticism, and stray from the beaten path of just going along with what is expected.

I also follow one of my friend's blogs and I just finished reading a poem she had written. It was so beautiful and I loved it. For me she had the courage that I don't have to post my poems.

I love that these people, people my age, are not afraid of saying what they are thinking and being creative regardless of what could be said about their work. To me, they are breaking away from just going along with society and actually saying something! Something about life, about themselves, about whatever! It doesn't matter what they're saying, but they are saying it, which is an act that society unfortunately frowns upon in my opinion. Keeping your head down and just moving through life may not be the best option. I want to take this inspiration and put my creativity and thoughts out there for people to say whatever they want because that will disrupt the status quo, and all in all, make life a little bit more interesting.

Until next time, which hopefully will be sooner rather than later, Au Revoir!

The Balance of Life

My future sits in my hands.
I must do what I need to for myself.
I will become only what I work towards becoming.

These thoughts have inspired me to start taking responsibility for what lies ahead in my future and realizing I need to make something of myself today. So, my lack of posting has been the result of me taking control of my future.

Last week I set out to find a internship at a newspaper this summer, which ended in me actually getting a promising response from my hometown newspaper. Then, I decided to contact my campus newspaper, which I had been told I would get assigned a story last semester, and until yesterday, I was still eagerly awaiting my first assignment. But, I can't complain, I got one, even though it was a little later than anticipated. I also got assigned a story by one of my former professors, and I actually get paid to write it! So, while my pen has not left the paper, or rather my fingers have not left my keyboard, my writing has not resulted in any new postings, which I decided to resolve tonight.

As I have taken on more work for myself, I have attempted to continue leaving myself some time to relax. Of course by relax I mean sweating my butt off and pretending that I am running on the beach as I work out for an hour each day. Normally, I do a little workout video in my room because the winter cold has some very convincing points as to why I should not walk to the rec instead. But, yesterday I decided to brave the cold (the coldest day of the week at that!) and make the long journey to the rec.

I must really turn off my brain when I go into the rec and zone out into my own little world because I never fail to make a complete and utter fool of myself. Yet, I always go back, so I must not get too embarrassed.

Anyway, as I ran the track above the basketball courts, I tripped, as must be a requirement for me to even go there. I think it's because I like to watch the games going on below instead of watching the people pass me (I like to keep a slower pace, you know, practice for the speed walking competition in the Olympics). But, my tripping, catching myself on the ground, and turning around to see if somehow the ten other people on our little track didn't see that is a typical event at the rec for me.

What I really got embarrassed about was when I was walking around the track. I swear every idea I had, the guys walking in front of me must have had too. First of all, we all walked out onto the track at the same time. Then, after walking a few laps, we all decided it was time to find a mat to do some ab workouts. Apparently, we have the same amount of ab workouts or decided that it was awkward that we had all stopped at the same time because we also finished the ab workout and continued our way around the track until we decided we needed a drink of water precisely in sync.

I don't think I would have been as embarrassed if I wasn't walking only two feet behind them and didn't seem to be a pro stalker. Eventually, I decided they probably thought I was following them and decided to take off running for a bit, hence my usual tripping stunt.

While my experience ended up being a little awkward, I left reminiscing about how nice going to the rec really is. I forgot how enjoyable it is to workout with other people around, rather than my workout video friends who always have the same words of encouragement I have learned to despise as I struggle for those last 5 push ups. And, I feel like I workout harder with other people around.

So, as I work on my future in journalism and in my physical health, I need to remember to work on my mental and social health. Mentally, I need to keep my focus, but remember that while I can work on my future I need to enjoy the present as well. Socially, I need to take the extra time to go to the rec to spend time with people and not just my video instructors.

I am happy with where I am, I feel like I have found my balance in living in the moment and taking advantage of all the present has to offer while also working to making a better future for myself.

Vulnerable Me

It took a two hour long conversation with a coworker I normally don't work with for me to realize why I have had such a hard time making friends at Miami: I am afraid to be vulnerable.

Now that I've realized this, I'm not embarrassed to say it. That is exactly what has happened. I haven't allowed myself to take that initial step because I was afraid what would happen if the other person didn't want to be my friend. I simply didn't want to be hurt or deal with the let down.

I like being comfortable and in a position of control, and when I lose that, I feel helpless. I believe I create my destiny, I hold the responsibility of my future in my hands. So, when I could not control what the other person thought of me or if they wanted to hang out or not, I simply did not know what to do. Since the other person was probably feeling the same way, nothing ever progressed outside a classroom friendship.

I cannot thank this person enough for telling me exactly what I needed to hear. I was afraid to be vulnerable and now that I know, I can grow from it.

In just one week, I feel I have managed to progress somewhat, but I have been taking small steps.

The interesting part is though, by me taking the initiative, I do feel like I have more control than sitting by the wayside. The brief moment of vulnerability that I have to put myself through by inviting or asking someone to hang out or be my friend on Facebook doesn't amount to the time that I would spend waiting for someone else to do what I know I should.

I am so surprised at how much this realization has impacted me, but I am thankful for the reflection it has caused.

Doin' Me

It's funny how people can repeatedly tell you to do what's right for you and to not follow others just because they want you to do something, yet when you do exactly that, everyone gets mad and all hell breaks loose.

I can't seem to ever get it right. If I focus on what I want, it always seems to automatically be the wrong choice. When should I choose what I want to do over what others want me to do? Because apparently I can only do what I want when it is convenient for someone else.

I just spent an entire weekend at school without my sister Ashley for the first time since I've been going to Miami. Bored does not even begin to define the days I spent trying to entertain myself. Yet, I would much rather spend my weekends making videos of myself lip-synching Backstreet Boys' songs than go home to a place where I feel I have no say in what I do.

Every time I go home for a vacation or a weekend I get pulled in a million different directions and somehow I always choose to go in the direction that leads to people getting mad at me. I have family and friends who all expect me to spend time with them and some just don't understand that others want to see me too.

I try to plan my time evenly. The way I see it, I should spend at least half my time at home and split the other half between friends. Unfortunately, all my friends do not hang out with each other and while I can respect that and not force them to spend time with each other, I also ask them to understand that I have other friends to see during my allotted "friend" time.

Whether it's friends or family, someone always gets their feelings hurt and gets upset with me for not choosing them over the other. I can tell you right now, I don't do anything I don't want to. I think about every decision I make, I choose what sounds best to me and I do what I want.

Is that not how I have been taught to live my life? Do what is best for me and not what others are wanting me to do.

Apparently in these circumstances, this is not the case. I guess in these instances I am supposed to people please.

Well, I cannot change who I am. I will always do what I want to do, that's just how I am. Maybe one day I will wish I spent my time with one person over another, but I need to learn this on my own and I hope I don't lose too much love along the way. I think the family and friends that really love me will be there and understand, especially if they want me to tell the truth about what I'm doing because if you criticize me when I tell the truth, why would I make the mistake of telling you the truth again?

I need to live my life and make choices based on what I think is best. Ultimately, I'm doin' me.

The Strangers Who Live Next Door

Every new year we get bombarded with advertisements asking us what our new year resolution is and to use their product to help us reach our goals. Typically losing weight, quitting a bad habit, spending more time with family, and getting organized top the list and I usually choose one of these as my resolution also. However, this year I am going for a more realistic approach. I want to do something different with my life, but all the typical resolutions require effort that I just never end up giving and my new year resolution carries over to the next year.

So, my 2011 new year resolution is simple, something I could see myself doing each day, but having a profound impact on my life. I am going to say "hi," "hello," "what's up," or a greeting of some form to a random person each day.

This task may not seem like much, or maybe even out of the ordinary for some people, but for me, this will make a difference in my day. I have managed to live next door to people in my dorm and not get to know their names or even know what they look like for the past year and a half. I made it all of last year without meeting my neighbors, I honestly could not tell you any of the four girls' names that lived beside me and I would not be able to point them out in a crowd. So far this school year, I do not know what my neighbors look like nor do I know their names, again! How can I go through an entire school year without getting to know the people living right beside me?

This issue, which I find to be a problem, is one of the main reasons I want to embark upon this goal of saying "hi" to new people each day. I should know my neighbors and the people I pass each day, at least their names and faces, but somewhere along the way I have gotten so caught up in my own life that I have deemed those I pass irrelevant.

Since we are already two weeks into the new year and I still have not managed to post this, I have tried to start my new year's resolution and it has definitely brought some smiles. When I talk to someone I don't know when I'm having a bad day, it makes me feel better. I feel accepted and liked, which is not always the case when I feel like such an outcast at Miami. The simple "how are you doing?" brings some needed interaction in my solitary world and I don't think I'm the only one. I think saying "howdy" makes others' days as well, especially when you walk by and can tell it's been a rough one.

Just today I said "hey" to two new people as I sat in my new favorite spot, the basement of my dorm building. They live in the basement and one actually came back to talk to me after he went to his room. It wasn't as if we had a deep conversation or anything, but it made me think "wow! I guess I am approachable." I mean I sometimes feel that I must seem unfriendly or strange or for whatever reason unapproachable when I'm at Miami because I can't seem to make any friends!

I know I probably won't be making many more friends from just saying "hey," but it'll be nice to know a few more faces around campus and hopefully a few more names of my neighbors.