It's funny how people can repeatedly tell you to do what's right for you and to not follow others just because they want you to do something, yet when you do exactly that, everyone gets mad and all hell breaks loose.
I can't seem to ever get it right. If I focus on what I want, it always seems to automatically be the wrong choice. When should I choose what I want to do over what others want me to do? Because apparently I can only do what I want when it is convenient for someone else.
I just spent an entire weekend at school without my sister Ashley for the first time since I've been going to Miami. Bored does not even begin to define the days I spent trying to entertain myself. Yet, I would much rather spend my weekends making videos of myself lip-synching Backstreet Boys' songs than go home to a place where I feel I have no say in what I do.
Every time I go home for a vacation or a weekend I get pulled in a million different directions and somehow I always choose to go in the direction that leads to people getting mad at me. I have family and friends who all expect me to spend time with them and some just don't understand that others want to see me too.
I try to plan my time evenly. The way I see it, I should spend at least half my time at home and split the other half between friends. Unfortunately, all my friends do not hang out with each other and while I can respect that and not force them to spend time with each other, I also ask them to understand that I have other friends to see during my allotted "friend" time.
Whether it's friends or family, someone always gets their feelings hurt and gets upset with me for not choosing them over the other. I can tell you right now, I don't do anything I don't want to. I think about every decision I make, I choose what sounds best to me and I do what I want.
Is that not how I have been taught to live my life? Do what is best for me and not what others are wanting me to do.
Apparently in these circumstances, this is not the case. I guess in these instances I am supposed to people please.
Well, I cannot change who I am. I will always do what I want to do, that's just how I am. Maybe one day I will wish I spent my time with one person over another, but I need to learn this on my own and I hope I don't lose too much love along the way. I think the family and friends that really love me will be there and understand, especially if they want me to tell the truth about what I'm doing because if you criticize me when I tell the truth, why would I make the mistake of telling you the truth again?
I need to live my life and make choices based on what I think is best. Ultimately, I'm doin' me.
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